Work has been particularly stressful these past few weeks, so I decided I would take advantage of this mid-week day off. I opined I would wake up late, hit the gym earlier than usual, do all the things I have been neglecting at home, then vote and run some small errands.
Completing everything by 4PM, I decided why don’t you relax, grab a manicure and pedicure [Yes, I keep my toes suckable] and chill out for the rest of the day.
Election Day means a lot of things to a lot of people. For some it is a clear opportunity for their voice to be heard, for their opinion to matter, and for them to take an action and make a public display of who they support and who they don’t.
It being a beautiful 70’s degrees and otherwise perfect day for me, I suppose one of my exes felt so empowered by her voice being heard, that she decided that I should hear it as well. Unfortunately she decided it should be heard in the midst of my foot massage.
It was if she had been listening to Adele’s Hello and thought that this day was perfect for her to let me know a few things. She started out sweet and inviting, reminiscing about the past and the magic we shared for what I had once thought was too short a time. Enraptured by her soft and melodic voice, and calmed by Susie’s footwork… I thought back to her sweet and caring demeanor, her lightheartedness, and the quarky little way she could make failing at something look so cute and forgivable. I laid back in the chair and listened as she uttered the words that changed everything…
“Can I tell you something? I need to be honest… you ruined me for anyone else and I blame you for all my relationships after you not working out.”
Stunned and now completely uncomfortable, I shift in my chair as Susie begins working up my leg so she can hear better [my pedicurist is nosy]. I calmly ask her to explain.
She says, “ You spoiled me and made me expect things that it’s not reasonable to expect. And then you just snatched it all away. I thought everything was going so well… It was so easy and natural between us, then you just called it off. And then I don’t hear from you in years. No calls, no emails, not even a facebook post. Its like you forgot me… Now when I try to meet new people, they say I expect too much…and all I am trying to do is get back what I had, back to when I felt loved and cared about.”
Memories of our rushed affair flooded my mind. The sweetness of the moment vanished and I began to remember all the reasons I thought we wouldn’t work. I remember that feeling of thinking how she didn’t inspire me to be any better than I already was. I remembered how her happiness was always dependent on outside sources, and how she demanded constant affirmation and validation — things that I have learned are very valuable and powerful in relationships, so I don’t spend them recklessly with anyone. I remembered her needing more than I was prepared to give and her being way too comfortable with just accepting what I could give for the sake of being with someone.
I remembered that being in a relationship with her was easy. It required little effort from me and placed no demands on me to do and be anything more than what I was or felt at any particular moment. And while we spend our lives trying to make everything easier for us, I am one of those people that believe that really loving someone is never easy.
In my experience, loving has been hard work, life changing work, and elevating work. It has stretched me and pulled me. Love deflates ego and expands heart. It will ask more of you, than you have ever asked of yourself. Love is work that pushes you to be a better person, to grow, to open up to new positives and close yourself off from old addictions like hurt, guilt, and betrayal. It breaks walls down and weaves reservoirs of memories and experiences that bind you, cleave you, and meld your consciousness. I felt none of this with her, it was just a few months in a year I unfortunately had to take a moment to even remember…2012? or noo 2013???
We love, not because it is easy, but because the reward from the work is that we are steps closer to being the person we aspire to be, standing side by side with a person — that aside from our own ambition– gave legitimate cause for us to be it.
I noticed that I had zoned out in a typical man fashion. The Ex was still going on and on about her truth about me and our relationships. Her demand for answers growing stronger and stronger, I looked down at the phone and that’s when Susie chimmed in. “ Yesh she is a talker… you cannot tell her your truth, if she doesn’t stop telling it for you.” Susie smiled and returned to her work. With that, I told the Ex I was in the midst of a pedicure and Susie said to call me back when she has gotten so sick of sitting with her own truth, that she is ready to hear someone else’s.
I finished my pedicure and tipped Susie for the pedicure and the unsolicited advice. Susie got my vote today and left me with a truism that transcends her nosiness. “ I cannot tell you my truth, until you stop telling me yours”. In honor of the Ex and Susie, I present to you, for your imbibing pleasure. Tonight’s Drink du Nuit: The Bitter Truth
DRINK du NUIT: The Bitter Truth
1 oz. White Rum
1/4 oz. Sour Mix
1/4 oz. Simple Syrup
12 Drops Bittermans Tiki Bitters
12 Drops Bittercube Blackstrap Bitters
12 Drops Bittercube Cherry Vanilla Bark Bitters
Lemon [for Garnish]
Brandied Cherry [for Garnish]
GLASSWARE: Sniffer or Low ball glass
Fill a shaker with ice. Pour rum, sour mix, and simple sugar in first. Then add bitters to mix. Shake vigorously. Serve over large ice cube. Garnish with a lemon rose.
Drink Well! and Remember:
“Some people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone, but that does not always mean they are supposed to get it back.”
― Stephan Labossiere
“this is why we call people exes, I guess – because the paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end. it’s too easy to see an X as a cross-out. it’s not, because there’s no way to cross out something like that. the X is a diagram of two paths.”
― John Green, Will Grayson, Will Grayson
- 1 oz. White Rum
- ¼ oz. Sour Mix
- ¼ oz. Simple Syrup
- 12 Drops Bittermans Tiki Bitters
- 12 Drops Bittercube Blackstrap Bitters
- 12 Drops Bittercube Cherry Vanilla Bark Bitters
- Lemon [for Garnish]
- Brandied Cherry [for Garnish]
- Fill a shaker with ice. Pour rum, sour mix, and simple sugar in first. Then add bitters to mix. Shake vigorously. Serve over large ice cube. Garnish with a lemon rose.
Tiny URL for this post: